Michelle For President
by whynot122
Summary: A parody. Not for children. Remember Stumpy's Rule! I can't believe I have to put a disclaimer up that says I don't own Full House. But everyone else does and I don't want to be sued. So no, the characters of Full House are not my personal creation.


**Michelle 4 President**

_A Crazy Mix-up based on a Lame 90s Sitcom._

**Rated M for STDs, presidential assasination, Rebecca's skirt, rap videos, and Stumpy's Rule.**

This is a parody. For the love of God, never take any of this seriously or your head will explode. Ahem…

While all of the other Tanners were asleep, Michelle was down in the living room watching MTV. There was a rap video on and the rapper was yelling stuff about violently murdering a police officer and stashing the body. "Sing Along Time!" exclaimed Michelle (quietly so as to avoid waking anyone) and began to jump up and down on the couch and say the lyrics to "Cappin' da 5-0" along with the anonymous 90s rapper. On her final bounce Michelle landed on the remote, suddenly switching the channel to CNN.

"And according to congressional historians," the big-haired newswoman began, "there is a loophole in the Constitution that allows women of any age to become President! Here to explain is Arthur G. Imoldd."

"Thank you, Diane," the ancient man began. "You see, when the top brass in Washington decided to let women run for president, they forgot to include the age limits. So now the Constitution says that men 35 or older _and_ women can run…so theoretically even a 5 year old girl could become President!"

"Fascinating. So even though I'm only 31 (here she gave a venomous look apparently directed at anyone who doubted her claim) I could be President!"

"Well, yes, if you hadn't served two years in jail for possession of-"

"Ahem, now, in other news, scientists have discovered that pandas love…" but Michelle wasn't listening. She could only thing of one thing…_Michelle for President! _Then Comet came into the room. "Oh good, Comet. You can be the Secretary of Defense!" Michelle said cheerfully.

Later that night DJ snuck back into the house and, after wiping a mysterious white substance from between her upper lip and her nose (there are two possibilities…but don't think about it too hard), carried her sister upstairs to her own room. Michelle dreamed of rapping dogs in the Whitehouse that night.

The next day Danny was putting on his tie and getting ready for his talk show, _Wake Up, San Francisco!_ While Uncle Joey served cereal and Uncle Jesse blew bubbles in his milk. Kimi and Steve were over stuffing their faces as usual. DJ was looking in the mirror in the bathroom. "Oh no!" she called out. "I have a pimple and it's picture day!"

"Jus' pop it!" called Jesse. Danny got a disgusted look but continued getting ready.

"Ow, it won't pop!" DJ called. Jesse went over to assess the situation.

"Crap." Said Jesse when he saw the red bump on DJ's lip. "That isn't a pimple, Deej You've got the herpes. Trust me…I know."

"Oh God! Don't tell dad, please?" DJ pleaded.

"'Course not, Deej. Jus' put a Band Aid on it and forget it. It's probably no biggy. But who'd ya get it from? Steve?"

"No…Um…I uh…" stammered DJ.

"You don't even know? Sheesh, didn't you learn anything in health class? You have to remember Smokey's Rule."

"Huh?"

"_Don't be a chump, cover your stump before you hump_. You never heard that one?"

DJ didn't say a word the whole way to school. Michelle kept blathering on and on about how she was going to be president. And of course Stephanie had died in a plane crash a year ago. They never found the body. They figured sharks ate it seeing as the plane crashed over the ocean. But as soon as DJ stepped out of the car at Generic Sitcom High (with esteemed graduates like Cory Matthews and Theo Huxtable) two girls came up, giggled, and said "Herpes, right?" DJ should have known the Band-Aid thing was the oldest trick in the book. "If only the guy had remembered Smokey's Rule…" she thought as the first bell rang.

"Michelle, will you **SHUT THE HELL UP YOU WHINY BRAT!**" Danny yelled for the third time as he drove towards Michelle's kindergarten. Michelle didn't shut up though. She had a secret plan to become president. When Danny thought she was safely inside the school, Michelle ran out a side door and leaped onto the back of his station wagon as it sped away towards the studio.

It was the middle of filming. Nelson Mandela was scheduled to talk in five minutes, when the commercial break ended. Danny was sweating like a baseball player before a drug test. Rebecca, who had worn a risqué outfit, had been unknowingly sitting with her legs open the whole first half of the show. Michelle hid under the backstage snack table, ready for her big appearance. The On Air light came back on. The announcer spoke, and in the pause before Danny began speaking again, Michelle ran on, faced the wrong camera and yelled, "I have an announcement to make!" Danny looked horrified, Rebecca laughed, and everyone waited in anticipation. "I'm gonna run for President! I'm starting an independent party called the Purple Kittens Party! And the CNN lady said even a little girl could run for president! So vote for ME!" She was so unbearably cute that the audience went "AWWWWWWW" and wrote memos to themselves to vote for Michelle. "Damn." Said Mandela. "I can't follow that act."

Later that night CNN broadcast it as a little filler and because it was cute. They showed the clip and verified that a little girl could, through a loophole, run for office. And the entire nation decided to vote for Michelle tanner. Comet was her running mate despite repeated protests from DJ.

In November Michelle beat both the Republican and Democratic candidates in a landslide victory and found herself going up to the podium to be inaugurated. Suddenly there was a shout from the crowd, the trumpets and fanfare stopped, the "Purple Kittens Party" banners stopped fluttering in the wind, and Michelle locked eyes with Stephanie, now mangled by shark bites, her hair matted by salt water, her frame thin, a life vest in tatters around her neck, a wicked sunburn, and some kelp hanging off of her shoe. She had been adrift at sea for months, drinking rainwater, eating fish and seaweed and fighting off hungry sharks. "MICHELLE YOU LITTLE TURD! It should have been you that was in that plane and not me! You switched your ticket with mine so you could get a window seat on the other plane! Eat lead, turd!" With that Steph raised a .347 Magnum and blew a piece of lead through Michelle's head, ending the short reign of president Michelle Tanner.


End file.
